Does anyone care if someone unfriends them on Facebook?? As a general rule, it’s kind of a silly thing to be upset about. However, there are those times when other people’s actions leave us scratching our heads, wondering what we’ve done wrong. When the last thing someone says to you is “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” and then next day you’re not just unfriended but blocked without a single word, it’s not a good feeling. I understand that people who engage in this sort of spiteful, manipulative behavior don't exactly have the vested interest in anyone's feelings but their own, but I'm going to examine the phenomenon anyway.
Won’t you join me??
I’m tired of being treated like I don’t matter. I’m tired of my friendship being disposable. I recently had a conversation with a friend regarding my generally pessimistic outlook when it comes to my relationships with other people. I kept bringing up the numerous ways most people will stab you in the face as soon as look at you, and I kept saying “but that’s what people do.” His point was that I shouldn’t allow people to treat me that way, I should not go through life feeling that badly about myself because of something someone else did or said. But when you give a damn about another person and that's how they treat you, it hurts. “But, that’s what people do.”
Most of us use some form of social networking anymore, and anyone with any experience being online has encountered the sort of domestic cyber-terrorism I’m about to describe. There are always going to be people who will send you nasty email filled with insults they would never say to your face. People will continue to post about you where they know damn well you have access to it, saying something nasty about you without using your name for no reason but to get people to comment and say nasty things about you without them even knowing they’re talking smack right where you can read it. And, in addition, most of us have participated in it at one time or another, whether we meant to or wanted to or not.
I would not presume to say that I’m perfect and never do or say the wrong thing, by any stretch of the imagination. But there is a great deal of virtue in being able to admit when you are wrong, and if you’re going to be outspoken, you’d better either be able to clarify your position or apologize your ass off.
That being said, I’m about to do it right the fuck now.
The Backstory:
Last year, a formerly-dear former-“friend” of mine took offense to something I said on Facebook (surprise!!) and went completely ballistic. She flew into a rage, sent me the nastiest break-up email I’ve ever received from anyone, and blocked me from ever communicating with her again, leaving me unceremoniously dumped by someone who, according to said email, never liked me that much to begin with. I left her two voice mails that day, because she’d blocked me from any other form of contact, apologizing for hurting her feelings and asking her forgiveness. I was hurt by her, too, and I’m damn certain that’s exactly what she wanted. She sent me an email and then blocked me so that she could have the last word. Hey, it worked. My hat is off. I crown thee queen of passive-aggression.
The thing is, this is not normal behavior, but it becoming so. A strange sort of fucked-upness has pervaded when the connection to another human being is made so tenuous with social media in the way, and people are willing to chuck long-term friendships over Facebook. As my mom said over many glasses of riesling the other day, “imagine being a kid right now and growing up thinking that that’s how relationships are supposed to be.” Dysfunction was not born of social networking, but it does seem to live there sometimes.
The Present:
I caught up with another old friend recently. We have a history, but at this point it’s reasonably ancient. When all is screamed and done, we’ve been friends for many years. I admit that it was against my better judgment, because I know what my sister would say, but we hung out a few times. One day last week he had too much to drink so I drove him home. I thought I was doing something nice for a friend. I didn’t want him to get hurt of get in trouble. Nevertheless, he unfriended me too. Not only unfriended but blocked. Same as the other gal, only he didn’t bother with the whole disparaging email character assassination thing.
But, really.
What.
The.
Hell??
Am I that big of a problem for people?? Did I do something wrong?? Something similar happened last year, only with someone I didn’t used to date, who didn’t unfriend me, or block me. We just didn’t speak for a really long time. It’s not friggin’ fun to not be able to talk to your friends about what’s going on. I guess I feel like we’re all adults, here, and we should be able to communicate with one another as such, but apparently not. Am I the only one who thinks that this is a really fucked up way to treat people, or am I just upset because I’m the fucked up one and I don’t deserve to be treated with any modicum of human dignity?? I feel disposable, and I’m reasonably certain that this is exactly how I’m meant to feel when another person behaves this way. Like I said, some people it doesn’t matter if they're not around anymore. In fact, most of the time is doesn’t. Other times it does. Perhaps I’d be better off keeping my opinion to myself and not bothering anyone with my hurt feelings, but I do that a lot, though, and I hate it, so here I am.
What the hell is wrong with me for even having these people in my life?? People who haven’t known me very long, or who don’t know me very well, tell me I need a better quality of person in my life, and I’m beginning to agree. I used to hate those people who say things like “that person is not on my level.” I think it’s judgmental and uncouth and presumptuous and rude. I don’t understand the line of thinking that goes into one person assuming they are better than another. Perhaps I should start trying to?? People tell me my friends are losers, and I think they’re just being mean. I think it’s offensive. Perhaps they have a point??
I understand that people have lives and loved ones and that this has absolutely nothing to do with me. But, I would be lying if I said that the ways in which people insist upon shoving me out of their lives can hurt. One minute you’re friends with someone and then next, you’re just not. No explanation. I don’t understand the idea of not being friends with someone because your girlfriend, or your boyfriend, or your other friends, or whomever, don’t like them. I don’t subscribe to that theory. Perhaps this is just my unwillingness to do what I’m told in life, and it’s part of the reason I’m single, and part of the reason people treat me like this. But that’s another subject for another post.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Gluten-Free Beer Fart.
Last week, my mom and I were discussing the different diets that come with having different food allergies and sensitivities. I have several friends with sensitivities to gluten, so for a while I tried a gluten-free diet. Having been toying with being vegan for a few months, being gluten-free was a lot more difficult. In any case, I told my mom, "when I eat more gluten-free, I fart less."
Last Sunday we were at the ballgame and my mom ordered a gluten-free beer, dropping this little tidbit of wisdom that still makes me chuckle: "I wonder if gluten-free beer makes you fart less??"
Just a thought.
Last Sunday we were at the ballgame and my mom ordered a gluten-free beer, dropping this little tidbit of wisdom that still makes me chuckle: "I wonder if gluten-free beer makes you fart less??"
Just a thought.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Time to Grieve.
About five years ago, I experienced a downturn in my life that was both scary and disappointing. No one died, but I thought I had lost a job I loved, a person I loved, at the same time as going through some personal turmoil due to a bad investment I had made. I had a counselor that I cried to; spilled my guts hoping to remove all the badness and come out on the other side. Instead, he completely shut me down. He told me that I was wallowing in self-pity and that I should concentrate on the positive side. To this day I’m still not sure what the positive side of losing one’s job, the man one thought one was going to marry, and one’s freedom in less than a month’s time is, but I suppose that just makes me nothing more than a Negative Nancy.
In any case, I was hurting, badly, and to have that shat upon, having my feelings invalidated by someone who was supposed to help me improve my situation, hurt even more. Mind you, all of this bogusness fell out of this man’s face within the first few weeks he was counseling me, so it’s not as though I had been crying on his couch for months on end. I was sad and depressed and angry and scared of what would happen next, and the Positivity Police were trying to get me to turn that frown upside down, as though it were that simple. Maybe for some people it is?? It’s a nice thought, but as time has gone on and I’ve experienced other, different losses in life and watched people I care deeply for lose friends, homes, loved ones, jobs, marriages, children, experience disease, disability and be diagnosed with life-altering medical conditions, it only makes me more angry when they are shut down, the way I was shut down, for expressing their hurt and anger.
Human beings experience emotions that other human beings do not like to have to deal with. Just because a person is angry or depressed because they are going through something does not make them an angry, depressed person. When someone experiences a loss, no matter how trivial it may seem to the eternal optimist, what that person needs may not be a shot in the arm of sunshine but for you to give a damn about how they feel, let them feel that way for a little while, listen to them and be there as they work through it. Then cometh the power of positivity. Shoving it down a sad person’s throat doesn’t help them; sometimes it makes them feel more alone. And telling someone who is going through something that their feelings are wrong is just a shitty thing to do to a friend.
Anger and sadness are parts of grieving whether a person is seven and their cat dies, sixteen and their first boyfriend turns out to be a dud, or thirty and their dream job just bottomed out. Grief is grief is grief. No one can turn it off or make it magically go away, though some people are better at hiding it than others. If you care about a person, do you have to agree with them 100% of the time?? Give them a hug, let them be upset. Get them through this. If it goes on too long, then by all means tell them that they need to either start helping themselves or find a professional because there is only so much a friend can do. But blaming a sad person for being sad isn’t going to make them un-sad. The school of “don’t let it get to you” is quite often nonsense, because the bad shit gets to all of us at some point in time or another. We’re human beings and we came with feelings, some of which are not fun or enjoyable for anyone. But we have them, and we need each other when we do.
In any case, I was hurting, badly, and to have that shat upon, having my feelings invalidated by someone who was supposed to help me improve my situation, hurt even more. Mind you, all of this bogusness fell out of this man’s face within the first few weeks he was counseling me, so it’s not as though I had been crying on his couch for months on end. I was sad and depressed and angry and scared of what would happen next, and the Positivity Police were trying to get me to turn that frown upside down, as though it were that simple. Maybe for some people it is?? It’s a nice thought, but as time has gone on and I’ve experienced other, different losses in life and watched people I care deeply for lose friends, homes, loved ones, jobs, marriages, children, experience disease, disability and be diagnosed with life-altering medical conditions, it only makes me more angry when they are shut down, the way I was shut down, for expressing their hurt and anger.
Human beings experience emotions that other human beings do not like to have to deal with. Just because a person is angry or depressed because they are going through something does not make them an angry, depressed person. When someone experiences a loss, no matter how trivial it may seem to the eternal optimist, what that person needs may not be a shot in the arm of sunshine but for you to give a damn about how they feel, let them feel that way for a little while, listen to them and be there as they work through it. Then cometh the power of positivity. Shoving it down a sad person’s throat doesn’t help them; sometimes it makes them feel more alone. And telling someone who is going through something that their feelings are wrong is just a shitty thing to do to a friend.
Anger and sadness are parts of grieving whether a person is seven and their cat dies, sixteen and their first boyfriend turns out to be a dud, or thirty and their dream job just bottomed out. Grief is grief is grief. No one can turn it off or make it magically go away, though some people are better at hiding it than others. If you care about a person, do you have to agree with them 100% of the time?? Give them a hug, let them be upset. Get them through this. If it goes on too long, then by all means tell them that they need to either start helping themselves or find a professional because there is only so much a friend can do. But blaming a sad person for being sad isn’t going to make them un-sad. The school of “don’t let it get to you” is quite often nonsense, because the bad shit gets to all of us at some point in time or another. We’re human beings and we came with feelings, some of which are not fun or enjoyable for anyone. But we have them, and we need each other when we do.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
In Defense of Rebecca Black.
I would like to discuss Rebecca Black, the thirteen-year-old vocalist who brought us the annoyingly ubiquitous ditty “Friday.” If you haven’t seen the video or heard the song, either you don’t have school-aged children, access to social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.), or you live under a rock. Whichever the case may be, don’t feel bad. You’re not missing anything. If you live in the world and you’ve had the massive misfortune of having your senses assaulted by “Friday,” then you know what I’m talking about. It blows my mind that while so many people out there are decrying Rebecca Black and the song, it’s climbing the charts like the Itsy Bitsy Tween Spider. I don’t know. But I digress.
I don’t like the song. Let me just say that up front. It gets stuck in my head and stays there, squatting like a smelly toad, defecating on what’s left of my good mood. It makes me want to put my head through a wall. The song is senseless and irritating and if “Friday” is any indication, girlfriend cannot sing her way out of a wet paper bag. On “Friday,” Miss Black abuses her autotune privilege so egregiously that it makes me beg for Kim Kardashian’s horrifying “Jam.” As a music writer, I could take this kid apart all day, but I feel like a great deal of the population has already done that. The horse is dead. It’s time to put the stick down and get on with our lives. While I understand and agree with some of the criticism, calling the song “hilariously dreadful,” “bizarre” and “inept,” I also think some people are taking this a skosh too far. And this is coming from Taylor Swift’s worst nightmare and biggest detractor. From a vid calling the young Miss Black a “stupid bitch” to anonymous critics saying she should cut herself or ‘get an eating disorder’ so she’d be pretty, it’s gotten ugly. People are so upset that Miss Black has received death threats, like she’s Rebecca bin Laden or some shit. The public verbal flogging of a person so young they can barely be called a teenager is sad to watch, frankly.
Rebecca Black: 1. Humanity: 0.
All that being said, Rebecca Black has something Taylor Swift lacks: balls. Miss Swift has stood back like a deer in the headlights, penning the soporific “Mean” in response to criticism, and floating aimlessly through the vortex or tedium. While Taylor Swift stands around looking libidinous and perplexed, like she’s waiting for a big, strong man to give her directions, Rebecca Black has confronted her reputation and criticism face-first with a gusto the many of us could only wish for. She has stood by her song, refusing to take it down from YouTube. She is the embodiment of the phrase “haters make me famous,” because that’s exactly what’s happening here, and in that way I think she’s a fantastic role model for young people. How many of us can put our hearts and souls into a project, put it out there for public consumption and remain as upright as Rebecca Black has when a ravenous public tears it, and her, apart?? Who cares if she can sing or not?? The bitch has some brass ones, and for that I have to give her props. She admits that she’s been upset and cried over the harsh things people have said, but she’s remained upright in the public eye, and for that she deserves recognition.
And I love her mom, saying “I could have killed a few people, but . . . “.
Whether Rebecca Black goes on to enjoy success as a singer or not, and I hope she does because it’s people like her who give me something to make fun of, I believe she is a strong girl who will grow into a strong woman. The rest of us should be taking notes.
I don’t like the song. Let me just say that up front. It gets stuck in my head and stays there, squatting like a smelly toad, defecating on what’s left of my good mood. It makes me want to put my head through a wall. The song is senseless and irritating and if “Friday” is any indication, girlfriend cannot sing her way out of a wet paper bag. On “Friday,” Miss Black abuses her autotune privilege so egregiously that it makes me beg for Kim Kardashian’s horrifying “Jam.” As a music writer, I could take this kid apart all day, but I feel like a great deal of the population has already done that. The horse is dead. It’s time to put the stick down and get on with our lives. While I understand and agree with some of the criticism, calling the song “hilariously dreadful,” “bizarre” and “inept,” I also think some people are taking this a skosh too far. And this is coming from Taylor Swift’s worst nightmare and biggest detractor. From a vid calling the young Miss Black a “stupid bitch” to anonymous critics saying she should cut herself or ‘get an eating disorder’ so she’d be pretty, it’s gotten ugly. People are so upset that Miss Black has received death threats, like she’s Rebecca bin Laden or some shit. The public verbal flogging of a person so young they can barely be called a teenager is sad to watch, frankly.
Rebecca Black: 1. Humanity: 0.
All that being said, Rebecca Black has something Taylor Swift lacks: balls. Miss Swift has stood back like a deer in the headlights, penning the soporific “Mean” in response to criticism, and floating aimlessly through the vortex or tedium. While Taylor Swift stands around looking libidinous and perplexed, like she’s waiting for a big, strong man to give her directions, Rebecca Black has confronted her reputation and criticism face-first with a gusto the many of us could only wish for. She has stood by her song, refusing to take it down from YouTube. She is the embodiment of the phrase “haters make me famous,” because that’s exactly what’s happening here, and in that way I think she’s a fantastic role model for young people. How many of us can put our hearts and souls into a project, put it out there for public consumption and remain as upright as Rebecca Black has when a ravenous public tears it, and her, apart?? Who cares if she can sing or not?? The bitch has some brass ones, and for that I have to give her props. She admits that she’s been upset and cried over the harsh things people have said, but she’s remained upright in the public eye, and for that she deserves recognition.
And I love her mom, saying “I could have killed a few people, but . . . “.
Whether Rebecca Black goes on to enjoy success as a singer or not, and I hope she does because it’s people like her who give me something to make fun of, I believe she is a strong girl who will grow into a strong woman. The rest of us should be taking notes.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
In Defense of Natalie Munroe.
Today my friend Crystal steered me in the direction of a Pennsylvania teacher who has come under fire for her blog and the controversial comments she made about some of her students on it. That teacher is Natalie Munroe.
Now, no one has to agree with Mrs. Munroe. One of the great things about being an American is First Amendment rights. Now I’m going to exercise mine. Join me, won’t you??
While I don’t necessarily believe that a public blog is the best place to air grievances that are more-or-less private, no matter how carefully an individual feels he or she is about protecting his or her privacy. I, myself, as a teacher and a blogger with strong and often-unpopular opinions, will post certain things in a note on my Facebook and “hide” them from people who I don’t feel need an all-access pass to what goes on in my personal life or my head. Then again, that’s just me. Being able to blog openly about your feelings can be liberating. Most adults are reasonably aware of the possible ramifications. I have to hand it to Natalie Munroe for bravely standing by her posts and not backing down or trying to hide behind some bullshit reasoning for them, pleading insanity and making excuses. If you’re going to put it out there, folks, you’d better be able to defend it iffen the time comes.
Now, as a teacher, I understand what she’s saying about teenage kids often being lazy and disrespectful. Feeling the way that she does is something that comes with the territory of teaching. Everyone has bad times and negative feelings about their job now and then, and having or expressing them does not necessarily mean that a person hates his or her job or should stop doing it. Seriously, do we all just up and quit our jobs, leaving behind the industries we’ve invested so much in entering, just because we’re having a hard time?? If everyone did that, it would be chaos. If every teacher threw in the towel after having a few bad months, or even a bad year, we would have no teachers. Saying that Natalie Munroe needs to stop teaching, or is a bad teacher because she expressed negativity about her job is so far beyond ridiculous that if I turned around and tried to see ridiculous from here, I couldn’t. It would ultimately be worse for her to keep it all inside, pretending her feelings don’t matter, and chuck her entire career in frustration. It would be more convenient for others, of course, which is why others like to call people out on their negativity: because they might actually be affected by it. Heaven for-fucking-bid someone not feel like everyone in the world is wonderful and perfect all of the time, and heaven forbid they talk about it. That’s just too much negativity for some people do handle. While it must be nice living in Never Neverland, where all is sunshine and happiness all the livelong day and people keep their disapproval from bothering others, ignoring it and stashing it away does not actually make it go away. It simply satisfies the people who don’t like the fact that they sometimes have to deal with other people’s opinions in life.
I am a preschool teacher, and have been for some time. I have a teenage daughter, as well as a few teenage relatives whom I adore, most of the time. Most of the kids and families I’ve come into contact with over the years, whether at work or through family or social activities have been awesome, pleasant, reasonably down-to-earth people. However, there are so often a few who reek of entitlement from a block away. They love their children so much that they are afraid to not give them everything they want, and these children sometimes grow into bossy, bratty, indifferent, entitled teenagers. (Surprise!!) They often have no sense of boundaries, because no boundaries have been installed at any time during their lives. Amy Chua, the self-proclaimed “Tiger Mother,” criticizes many Western parents for being too soft with their children. Again, do we all have to agree with her?? No. BUT, as a mother and a teacher I see so many parents who do dote, favor, spoil, pamper, overindulge and mollycoddle their children until the kids believe they can do no wrong. THIS is the kind of thing that leads teachers into a growing frustration with their jobs.
I went on a job interview for a preschool teaching position several years back. During the interview the director told me, point blank, that teachers were not allowed to say the word “no” to the children at any time. While I don’t wish to be one of those teachers who wags their finger at the children and admonishes them with a barrage of “no” every day, it is a legitimate word in the English language that people, young and old, need to hear occasionally. It is a part of life whether we like it or not. This is another example of how teachers are severely limited in their ability to teach effectively, when something as necessary and simple as the word “no” is verboten in a classroom. Is the sky green?? Can I dig through your purse?? Is it okay if a five-year-old says to another “I’m going to kick your ass??” ARE YOU ON CRACK?? What is the answer to these questions?? I’ll give you a hint: IT AIN’T YES. Yet, there are schools out there that are so committed to the comfort of parents and their need to completely spoil their children that teachers are honest-to-goodness forbidden from telling a child “no.” And then people wonder why these children grow into “out-of-control,” “rude,” “disengaged, lazy whiners” and cheeky little piglets. Please.
Another example from my teaching background; I was on a working interview at a school when it was snack time in the three-year-old classroom. One teacher went to the boys’ bathroom to help the boys wash their hands, one went into the girls’ bathroom to help the girls, and I stayed behind in the classroom to set up. One by one the children filed back into the room and took a seat at the table. I noticed one girl we’ll call A who had not visited the sink to wash her hands. I reminded her that she was supposed to wash up before snack, and off she went. When she came back another girl, we’ll call her B, had sat down in A’s spot and was ready for snack. A had a complete meltdown. I feel like, as a teacher, I’m pretty liberal with temper tantrums. Hell, I still have them occasionally. In any case, A went over to the “circle time” area, threw herself on the floor and began wailing uncontrollably. I went to her, told her that I understood that she was frustrated but that I would save her a seat and some snack for when she was ready to eat. She tried to kick me, so I walked away. She was in a safe place where she would most likely not be hurt, or hurt anyone else providing they stayed away from her until she calmed down. It was right after nap time, and some kids are more moody after being waked up than others. Tantrums are a part of things, sometimes. Shaming or making a child feel bad about them aren’t always helpful. Neither is capitulating and giving the child what they want. However, since when is it okay to kick a teacher?? Being new I went back to the class and kept an eye on A until the other teachers came back. When they did, and I explained what was going on, they immediately turned their backs on the rest of the class and began paying all their attention to A. When they discovered what A wanted, they double-teamed B and talked to her in dulcet tones until she gave up her seat for A. I felt like I had just watched an active manipulation in progress. A, the mewling, petulant fit-thrower, got what she wanted and B was subtly negotiated out of her seat by authority figures even though she hadn’t done anything at all save for sit down in what she, and I, saw as an empty chair. I see that as teaching a child that pitching a violent fit and screaming gets that child what he or she wants. However, some parents pay extra for schools that indulge in those kinds of behaviors. If the family pays more, then they expect special treatment. And what are the teachers left to do about it?? Nothing. Or, in my case, turn down the job and move on.
I’ll reiterate: not all schools, not all teachers, not all parents and not all children fall into the above categories. I would not presume to say that everyone is exactly alike. These are examples of experiences I have had, though, which make me understand where Natalie Munroe is coming from.
Reading comments on news items and Facebook groups regarding Natalie Munroe, people have bordered on hysteria over this. There are people out there who have taken such great offense at Mrs. Munroe’s opinion that they are behaving as though she stood in their living rooms, uninvited, and called their parenting practices, and the practices of their own parents, into question. “I was raised right,” and “I raise my kids right,” are popular statements. What, pray tell, does that have to do with Natalie Munroe’s criticism?? If people feel so strongly about how they raise their children, then what’s the problem?? Why does Mrs. Munroe’s opinion of a few select people in one Pennsylvania high school have to do with them?? Aside from the fact that raising children correctly is subjective and completely a matter of opinion, people behave as though everything is about them. They can’t even handle objection or a perceived slight to the point that they’re upset about commentary that isn’t even about them. People are insane!! There is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with you or I and while you and I are free to comment on it as much as we want to, perhaps what you and I think doesn’t matter?? Spewing your mental feces all over comment boards of newspapers means nothing. Believe me, I tried it today on a Facebook group, just to see what would happen, and had my intelligence insulted. Are we shocked?? I usually stay off public comment boards for just that reason, because my opinion is my opinion and doesn’t matter to others, but today I made an exception. What a mistake. No wonder people are pissed. They can’t see past their own front doors.
Has anyone else stopped for one second to consider that maybe this is the kind of self-serving, short-sighted, me, me, me attitude that Mrs. Munroe was criticizing in her students??
In any case, yeah. This is my blog, where I get to have my opinion and you get to either read it or not. Do I give a shit whether or not you agree with me?? Does it matter whether or not you agree with Natalie Munroe?? Not really. However, we are just as much allowed to have our opinions as those who think our opinions are stupid, and we are just as allowed to comment on things that happen in our lives as the people who think we are assholes.
"Freedom is not comfortable, is often difficult, and borders on chaos. Aside from that, it's great!"
~ D. Case
Go forth and deal with it.
Now, no one has to agree with Mrs. Munroe. One of the great things about being an American is First Amendment rights. Now I’m going to exercise mine. Join me, won’t you??
While I don’t necessarily believe that a public blog is the best place to air grievances that are more-or-less private, no matter how carefully an individual feels he or she is about protecting his or her privacy. I, myself, as a teacher and a blogger with strong and often-unpopular opinions, will post certain things in a note on my Facebook and “hide” them from people who I don’t feel need an all-access pass to what goes on in my personal life or my head. Then again, that’s just me. Being able to blog openly about your feelings can be liberating. Most adults are reasonably aware of the possible ramifications. I have to hand it to Natalie Munroe for bravely standing by her posts and not backing down or trying to hide behind some bullshit reasoning for them, pleading insanity and making excuses. If you’re going to put it out there, folks, you’d better be able to defend it iffen the time comes.
Now, as a teacher, I understand what she’s saying about teenage kids often being lazy and disrespectful. Feeling the way that she does is something that comes with the territory of teaching. Everyone has bad times and negative feelings about their job now and then, and having or expressing them does not necessarily mean that a person hates his or her job or should stop doing it. Seriously, do we all just up and quit our jobs, leaving behind the industries we’ve invested so much in entering, just because we’re having a hard time?? If everyone did that, it would be chaos. If every teacher threw in the towel after having a few bad months, or even a bad year, we would have no teachers. Saying that Natalie Munroe needs to stop teaching, or is a bad teacher because she expressed negativity about her job is so far beyond ridiculous that if I turned around and tried to see ridiculous from here, I couldn’t. It would ultimately be worse for her to keep it all inside, pretending her feelings don’t matter, and chuck her entire career in frustration. It would be more convenient for others, of course, which is why others like to call people out on their negativity: because they might actually be affected by it. Heaven for-fucking-bid someone not feel like everyone in the world is wonderful and perfect all of the time, and heaven forbid they talk about it. That’s just too much negativity for some people do handle. While it must be nice living in Never Neverland, where all is sunshine and happiness all the livelong day and people keep their disapproval from bothering others, ignoring it and stashing it away does not actually make it go away. It simply satisfies the people who don’t like the fact that they sometimes have to deal with other people’s opinions in life.
I am a preschool teacher, and have been for some time. I have a teenage daughter, as well as a few teenage relatives whom I adore, most of the time. Most of the kids and families I’ve come into contact with over the years, whether at work or through family or social activities have been awesome, pleasant, reasonably down-to-earth people. However, there are so often a few who reek of entitlement from a block away. They love their children so much that they are afraid to not give them everything they want, and these children sometimes grow into bossy, bratty, indifferent, entitled teenagers. (Surprise!!) They often have no sense of boundaries, because no boundaries have been installed at any time during their lives. Amy Chua, the self-proclaimed “Tiger Mother,” criticizes many Western parents for being too soft with their children. Again, do we all have to agree with her?? No. BUT, as a mother and a teacher I see so many parents who do dote, favor, spoil, pamper, overindulge and mollycoddle their children until the kids believe they can do no wrong. THIS is the kind of thing that leads teachers into a growing frustration with their jobs.
I went on a job interview for a preschool teaching position several years back. During the interview the director told me, point blank, that teachers were not allowed to say the word “no” to the children at any time. While I don’t wish to be one of those teachers who wags their finger at the children and admonishes them with a barrage of “no” every day, it is a legitimate word in the English language that people, young and old, need to hear occasionally. It is a part of life whether we like it or not. This is another example of how teachers are severely limited in their ability to teach effectively, when something as necessary and simple as the word “no” is verboten in a classroom. Is the sky green?? Can I dig through your purse?? Is it okay if a five-year-old says to another “I’m going to kick your ass??” ARE YOU ON CRACK?? What is the answer to these questions?? I’ll give you a hint: IT AIN’T YES. Yet, there are schools out there that are so committed to the comfort of parents and their need to completely spoil their children that teachers are honest-to-goodness forbidden from telling a child “no.” And then people wonder why these children grow into “out-of-control,” “rude,” “disengaged, lazy whiners” and cheeky little piglets. Please.
Another example from my teaching background; I was on a working interview at a school when it was snack time in the three-year-old classroom. One teacher went to the boys’ bathroom to help the boys wash their hands, one went into the girls’ bathroom to help the girls, and I stayed behind in the classroom to set up. One by one the children filed back into the room and took a seat at the table. I noticed one girl we’ll call A who had not visited the sink to wash her hands. I reminded her that she was supposed to wash up before snack, and off she went. When she came back another girl, we’ll call her B, had sat down in A’s spot and was ready for snack. A had a complete meltdown. I feel like, as a teacher, I’m pretty liberal with temper tantrums. Hell, I still have them occasionally. In any case, A went over to the “circle time” area, threw herself on the floor and began wailing uncontrollably. I went to her, told her that I understood that she was frustrated but that I would save her a seat and some snack for when she was ready to eat. She tried to kick me, so I walked away. She was in a safe place where she would most likely not be hurt, or hurt anyone else providing they stayed away from her until she calmed down. It was right after nap time, and some kids are more moody after being waked up than others. Tantrums are a part of things, sometimes. Shaming or making a child feel bad about them aren’t always helpful. Neither is capitulating and giving the child what they want. However, since when is it okay to kick a teacher?? Being new I went back to the class and kept an eye on A until the other teachers came back. When they did, and I explained what was going on, they immediately turned their backs on the rest of the class and began paying all their attention to A. When they discovered what A wanted, they double-teamed B and talked to her in dulcet tones until she gave up her seat for A. I felt like I had just watched an active manipulation in progress. A, the mewling, petulant fit-thrower, got what she wanted and B was subtly negotiated out of her seat by authority figures even though she hadn’t done anything at all save for sit down in what she, and I, saw as an empty chair. I see that as teaching a child that pitching a violent fit and screaming gets that child what he or she wants. However, some parents pay extra for schools that indulge in those kinds of behaviors. If the family pays more, then they expect special treatment. And what are the teachers left to do about it?? Nothing. Or, in my case, turn down the job and move on.
I’ll reiterate: not all schools, not all teachers, not all parents and not all children fall into the above categories. I would not presume to say that everyone is exactly alike. These are examples of experiences I have had, though, which make me understand where Natalie Munroe is coming from.
Reading comments on news items and Facebook groups regarding Natalie Munroe, people have bordered on hysteria over this. There are people out there who have taken such great offense at Mrs. Munroe’s opinion that they are behaving as though she stood in their living rooms, uninvited, and called their parenting practices, and the practices of their own parents, into question. “I was raised right,” and “I raise my kids right,” are popular statements. What, pray tell, does that have to do with Natalie Munroe’s criticism?? If people feel so strongly about how they raise their children, then what’s the problem?? Why does Mrs. Munroe’s opinion of a few select people in one Pennsylvania high school have to do with them?? Aside from the fact that raising children correctly is subjective and completely a matter of opinion, people behave as though everything is about them. They can’t even handle objection or a perceived slight to the point that they’re upset about commentary that isn’t even about them. People are insane!! There is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with you or I and while you and I are free to comment on it as much as we want to, perhaps what you and I think doesn’t matter?? Spewing your mental feces all over comment boards of newspapers means nothing. Believe me, I tried it today on a Facebook group, just to see what would happen, and had my intelligence insulted. Are we shocked?? I usually stay off public comment boards for just that reason, because my opinion is my opinion and doesn’t matter to others, but today I made an exception. What a mistake. No wonder people are pissed. They can’t see past their own front doors.
Has anyone else stopped for one second to consider that maybe this is the kind of self-serving, short-sighted, me, me, me attitude that Mrs. Munroe was criticizing in her students??
In any case, yeah. This is my blog, where I get to have my opinion and you get to either read it or not. Do I give a shit whether or not you agree with me?? Does it matter whether or not you agree with Natalie Munroe?? Not really. However, we are just as much allowed to have our opinions as those who think our opinions are stupid, and we are just as allowed to comment on things that happen in our lives as the people who think we are assholes.
"Freedom is not comfortable, is often difficult, and borders on chaos. Aside from that, it's great!"
~ D. Case
Go forth and deal with it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wanted: Environmentally-Friendly Case for Birth Control Pills.
It is so bothersome for me that my birth control pills come with so much garbage. Every prescription comes with a separate sleeve that is not recyclable. You mean to tell me that pharmaceutical companies can’t even make a sustainable container?? Or won't they?? Why do they give out a plastic envelope with every refill?? It’s just wasteful.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Bubbies Can Be Shit-Talkers, Too.
I love deep-water aerobics. The back-story goes like this: when I was fifteen I sustained a bad back injury doing gymnastics. Because I’m me, I refused to stop doing gymnastics even though I was in constant pain, until I got a solid diagnosis and was told to stop. So, I trained and competed on a excruciatingly painful stress fracture in my L6 vertebrae for five months. When I came home from the gym I barely moved, but all I wanted to do was go back to the gym the next day. Dealing with the psychological side of being that injured was not something I knew how to handle, and so I denied that I could possibly be seriously injured until my mom finally found a doctor who told me to stop, immediately; that I had done serious damage and without serious rehab I would have back problems for the rest of my life.
Being out of the gym for ten months drove me stir crazy!! I started partying more with my friends, people I’d seen much less of when I spent my time in the gym. I also got medical clearance to go to deep-water aerobics, since it is no-impact. It took some getting used to, but after a while I really started to enjoy it and get good at it. I still love it to this day, despite the fact that most of the people who do deep-water aerobics are between the ages of 80 and 100. I love deep-water aerobics and I don’t care who knows it!!
Anyway, so today, after the dreaded conversation with my financial counselor at school (which I won’t get into), I went to the pool, only to find that the price of a class has been raised a dollar. Eff. So, I’ll be going to classes less frequently. That’s just what it is. But I digress. So, I get into the water and people look at me funny. This I’m used to. I’m thirty-one, am regularly told I don’t look thirty-one, and work out in teeny bikinis usually not worn by individuals over the age or 25. The tattoos and the unusual hair seem to grab people’s attention more than I would like, and I get some dirty looks, some compliments and some people who look at me like I should be on the six o'clock news, holding a placard under my mug shot for public urination or grand theft boating, or some such thing.
So, today I’m in the pool and I’m working out next to this little lady who keeps casting sidelong glances at me. She’s talking to a friend of hers, a man, and she asked him about his tattoo. He explained that he got it when he was in the Navy, in his youth back in WWI, or whatever. Then she looks directly at me and says “some people are going to wonder why they did these things to themselves when they’re our age,” sneered at me, and went back to her friend.
Now, wait a minute. I’ve had shit talked to my face before, but never by a sweet-looking grandmother whom I've never met and who looks like she should be baking cookies with cherub-faced children in a Nestle Toll House commercial. If I hadn’t been in the water, my jaw would have dropped. That bubby just talked shit to me!! I thought about saying something directly to her, like “if I lived my life only doing things I thought I’d be pleased with myself for by the time I’m your age, then I would never do anything,” but I didn’t. I respected my elder and kept my damn mouth shut. See?? I can do it. Other people just don’t notice it because if I’m quiet it usually means I’m asleep or simply not paying attention.
The day has continued to not just go downhill but spiral completely out of fuck control. Perhaps after I had a bubby talk shit to me this morning I should have taken it as a sign that I should go home and go back to bed and try again tomorrow??
Being out of the gym for ten months drove me stir crazy!! I started partying more with my friends, people I’d seen much less of when I spent my time in the gym. I also got medical clearance to go to deep-water aerobics, since it is no-impact. It took some getting used to, but after a while I really started to enjoy it and get good at it. I still love it to this day, despite the fact that most of the people who do deep-water aerobics are between the ages of 80 and 100. I love deep-water aerobics and I don’t care who knows it!!
Anyway, so today, after the dreaded conversation with my financial counselor at school (which I won’t get into), I went to the pool, only to find that the price of a class has been raised a dollar. Eff. So, I’ll be going to classes less frequently. That’s just what it is. But I digress. So, I get into the water and people look at me funny. This I’m used to. I’m thirty-one, am regularly told I don’t look thirty-one, and work out in teeny bikinis usually not worn by individuals over the age or 25. The tattoos and the unusual hair seem to grab people’s attention more than I would like, and I get some dirty looks, some compliments and some people who look at me like I should be on the six o'clock news, holding a placard under my mug shot for public urination or grand theft boating, or some such thing.
So, today I’m in the pool and I’m working out next to this little lady who keeps casting sidelong glances at me. She’s talking to a friend of hers, a man, and she asked him about his tattoo. He explained that he got it when he was in the Navy, in his youth back in WWI, or whatever. Then she looks directly at me and says “some people are going to wonder why they did these things to themselves when they’re our age,” sneered at me, and went back to her friend.
Now, wait a minute. I’ve had shit talked to my face before, but never by a sweet-looking grandmother whom I've never met and who looks like she should be baking cookies with cherub-faced children in a Nestle Toll House commercial. If I hadn’t been in the water, my jaw would have dropped. That bubby just talked shit to me!! I thought about saying something directly to her, like “if I lived my life only doing things I thought I’d be pleased with myself for by the time I’m your age, then I would never do anything,” but I didn’t. I respected my elder and kept my damn mouth shut. See?? I can do it. Other people just don’t notice it because if I’m quiet it usually means I’m asleep or simply not paying attention.
The day has continued to not just go downhill but spiral completely out of fuck control. Perhaps after I had a bubby talk shit to me this morning I should have taken it as a sign that I should go home and go back to bed and try again tomorrow??
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