Today my friend Crystal steered me in the direction of a Pennsylvania teacher who has come under fire for her blog and the controversial comments she made about some of her students on it. That teacher is Natalie Munroe.
Now, no one has to agree with Mrs. Munroe. One of the great things about being an American is First Amendment rights. Now I’m going to exercise mine. Join me, won’t you??
While I don’t necessarily believe that a public blog is the best place to air grievances that are more-or-less private, no matter how carefully an individual feels he or she is about protecting his or her privacy. I, myself, as a teacher and a blogger with strong and often-unpopular opinions, will post certain things in a note on my Facebook and “hide” them from people who I don’t feel need an all-access pass to what goes on in my personal life or my head. Then again, that’s just me. Being able to blog openly about your feelings can be liberating. Most adults are reasonably aware of the possible ramifications. I have to hand it to Natalie Munroe for bravely standing by her posts and not backing down or trying to hide behind some bullshit reasoning for them, pleading insanity and making excuses. If you’re going to put it out there, folks, you’d better be able to defend it iffen the time comes.
Now, as a teacher, I understand what she’s saying about teenage kids often being lazy and disrespectful. Feeling the way that she does is something that comes with the territory of teaching. Everyone has bad times and negative feelings about their job now and then, and having or expressing them does not necessarily mean that a person hates his or her job or should stop doing it. Seriously, do we all just up and quit our jobs, leaving behind the industries we’ve invested so much in entering, just because we’re having a hard time?? If everyone did that, it would be chaos. If every teacher threw in the towel after having a few bad months, or even a bad year, we would have no teachers. Saying that Natalie Munroe needs to stop teaching, or is a bad teacher because she expressed negativity about her job is so far beyond ridiculous that if I turned around and tried to see ridiculous from here, I couldn’t. It would ultimately be worse for her to keep it all inside, pretending her feelings don’t matter, and chuck her entire career in frustration. It would be more convenient for others, of course, which is why others like to call people out on their negativity: because they might actually be affected by it. Heaven for-fucking-bid someone not feel like everyone in the world is wonderful and perfect all of the time, and heaven forbid they talk about it. That’s just too much negativity for some people do handle. While it must be nice living in Never Neverland, where all is sunshine and happiness all the livelong day and people keep their disapproval from bothering others, ignoring it and stashing it away does not actually make it go away. It simply satisfies the people who don’t like the fact that they sometimes have to deal with other people’s opinions in life.
I am a preschool teacher, and have been for some time. I have a teenage daughter, as well as a few teenage relatives whom I adore, most of the time. Most of the kids and families I’ve come into contact with over the years, whether at work or through family or social activities have been awesome, pleasant, reasonably down-to-earth people. However, there are so often a few who reek of entitlement from a block away. They love their children so much that they are afraid to not give them everything they want, and these children sometimes grow into bossy, bratty, indifferent, entitled teenagers. (Surprise!!) They often have no sense of boundaries, because no boundaries have been installed at any time during their lives. Amy Chua, the self-proclaimed “Tiger Mother,” criticizes many Western parents for being too soft with their children. Again, do we all have to agree with her?? No. BUT, as a mother and a teacher I see so many parents who do dote, favor, spoil, pamper, overindulge and mollycoddle their children until the kids believe they can do no wrong. THIS is the kind of thing that leads teachers into a growing frustration with their jobs.
I went on a job interview for a preschool teaching position several years back. During the interview the director told me, point blank, that teachers were not allowed to say the word “no” to the children at any time. While I don’t wish to be one of those teachers who wags their finger at the children and admonishes them with a barrage of “no” every day, it is a legitimate word in the English language that people, young and old, need to hear occasionally. It is a part of life whether we like it or not. This is another example of how teachers are severely limited in their ability to teach effectively, when something as necessary and simple as the word “no” is verboten in a classroom. Is the sky green?? Can I dig through your purse?? Is it okay if a five-year-old says to another “I’m going to kick your ass??” ARE YOU ON CRACK?? What is the answer to these questions?? I’ll give you a hint: IT AIN’T YES. Yet, there are schools out there that are so committed to the comfort of parents and their need to completely spoil their children that teachers are honest-to-goodness forbidden from telling a child “no.” And then people wonder why these children grow into “out-of-control,” “rude,” “disengaged, lazy whiners” and cheeky little piglets. Please.
Another example from my teaching background; I was on a working interview at a school when it was snack time in the three-year-old classroom. One teacher went to the boys’ bathroom to help the boys wash their hands, one went into the girls’ bathroom to help the girls, and I stayed behind in the classroom to set up. One by one the children filed back into the room and took a seat at the table. I noticed one girl we’ll call A who had not visited the sink to wash her hands. I reminded her that she was supposed to wash up before snack, and off she went. When she came back another girl, we’ll call her B, had sat down in A’s spot and was ready for snack. A had a complete meltdown. I feel like, as a teacher, I’m pretty liberal with temper tantrums. Hell, I still have them occasionally. In any case, A went over to the “circle time” area, threw herself on the floor and began wailing uncontrollably. I went to her, told her that I understood that she was frustrated but that I would save her a seat and some snack for when she was ready to eat. She tried to kick me, so I walked away. She was in a safe place where she would most likely not be hurt, or hurt anyone else providing they stayed away from her until she calmed down. It was right after nap time, and some kids are more moody after being waked up than others. Tantrums are a part of things, sometimes. Shaming or making a child feel bad about them aren’t always helpful. Neither is capitulating and giving the child what they want. However, since when is it okay to kick a teacher?? Being new I went back to the class and kept an eye on A until the other teachers came back. When they did, and I explained what was going on, they immediately turned their backs on the rest of the class and began paying all their attention to A. When they discovered what A wanted, they double-teamed B and talked to her in dulcet tones until she gave up her seat for A. I felt like I had just watched an active manipulation in progress. A, the mewling, petulant fit-thrower, got what she wanted and B was subtly negotiated out of her seat by authority figures even though she hadn’t done anything at all save for sit down in what she, and I, saw as an empty chair. I see that as teaching a child that pitching a violent fit and screaming gets that child what he or she wants. However, some parents pay extra for schools that indulge in those kinds of behaviors. If the family pays more, then they expect special treatment. And what are the teachers left to do about it?? Nothing. Or, in my case, turn down the job and move on.
I’ll reiterate: not all schools, not all teachers, not all parents and not all children fall into the above categories. I would not presume to say that everyone is exactly alike. These are examples of experiences I have had, though, which make me understand where Natalie Munroe is coming from.
Reading comments on news items and Facebook groups regarding Natalie Munroe, people have bordered on hysteria over this. There are people out there who have taken such great offense at Mrs. Munroe’s opinion that they are behaving as though she stood in their living rooms, uninvited, and called their parenting practices, and the practices of their own parents, into question. “I was raised right,” and “I raise my kids right,” are popular statements. What, pray tell, does that have to do with Natalie Munroe’s criticism?? If people feel so strongly about how they raise their children, then what’s the problem?? Why does Mrs. Munroe’s opinion of a few select people in one Pennsylvania high school have to do with them?? Aside from the fact that raising children correctly is subjective and completely a matter of opinion, people behave as though everything is about them. They can’t even handle objection or a perceived slight to the point that they’re upset about commentary that isn’t even about them. People are insane!! There is a whole world out there that has nothing to do with you or I and while you and I are free to comment on it as much as we want to, perhaps what you and I think doesn’t matter?? Spewing your mental feces all over comment boards of newspapers means nothing. Believe me, I tried it today on a Facebook group, just to see what would happen, and had my intelligence insulted. Are we shocked?? I usually stay off public comment boards for just that reason, because my opinion is my opinion and doesn’t matter to others, but today I made an exception. What a mistake. No wonder people are pissed. They can’t see past their own front doors.
Has anyone else stopped for one second to consider that maybe this is the kind of self-serving, short-sighted, me, me, me attitude that Mrs. Munroe was criticizing in her students??
In any case, yeah. This is my blog, where I get to have my opinion and you get to either read it or not. Do I give a shit whether or not you agree with me?? Does it matter whether or not you agree with Natalie Munroe?? Not really. However, we are just as much allowed to have our opinions as those who think our opinions are stupid, and we are just as allowed to comment on things that happen in our lives as the people who think we are assholes.
"Freedom is not comfortable, is often difficult, and borders on chaos. Aside from that, it's great!"
~ D. Case
Go forth and deal with it.
