"So-Called Women's Rights"

I’ve been thinking about something someone said when she commented on a post my mom made on Facebook on election night. It kind of ties into my last blog, which is I guess why I’m thinking about it again. I don’t even remember what my mom’s post was about. I think it said something to the effect of “whew, election season is over!!” So, anyway, this woman replied by saying that she was sick of hearing all this garbage about what she referred to as “so-called women’s rights.” My knee-jerk reaction in my head was something along the lines of “fuck you, bitch. What do you know about it??”

And then I got to thinking about it myself. What would possess a woman my age to not even have the slightest deference to the movement that has given her so many rights?? I mean, she votes. She drives a car, and she and her daughters are not considered the property of her husband. Where does she think all that came from?? Really, that’s just the tip of the iceberg for me, because what she said really kind of did piss me off.

So, I asked my mom, “what do you think she meant by that??” I don’t know this woman very well. We’ve met a handful of times, though I’ve known her husband’s family since childhood. She and her husband are uber-conservative, obviously, but in such a way that when they talk they sound like they’ve been living in a plastic bubble, sheltered from what the rest of the world outside their smart little self-made enclave have to work with. And, yes: I do think there is something wrong with that. She and her husband believe that no woman should be allowed to have an abortion; anywhere, anytime, ever, so obviously their opinion should be the law. Now, I don’t take issue with people who don’t agree with abortion, but I do have a problem with women who think that all other women’s rights should be taken away from them because she thinks abortion is wrong.

Roe vs. Wade is about so much more than just abortion. I wish more people understood that. It’s about women having the agency to make our own reproductive choices, which sometimes includes abortion. We can take birth control or leave it. We can have an abortion, safely and legally, or not. But there’s this attitude like being pro-choice means that we should all have abortions because they’re so much fun, and that is simply not true. I wish people like that, like her, would sit up straight and pay attention instead of just deciding that because she doesn’t like abortion that no one should be able to use birth control at all. Because that’s what her candidate said, out loud, multiple times.

My mom mentioned that this woman thought that some of the language surrounding “so-called women’s rights” is too vulgar; for example, they say vagina. Now, I get that not everyone wants to have their personal anatomy discussed on the public forum, but come on. Crusty old white guys want to tell women what to do with said vaginas, yet they make women leave the room because they’re so disgusted with the word being said out loud. It’s just a word. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. It’s an anatomically correct descriptor. Act like a big kid and deal with it instead of hiding from it behind some patriarchal 1950s idea of what women are allowed to do and say. I don’t get it. It’s not even a dirty word. Even if we’re on the shy side and only say the word “vagina” to our doctors, it’s medically accurate and still not a bad word. I’m left to wonder if the real problem she has is that strong, independent women who make decisions for themselves scare her because she’s not one.

In any case, I think the word itself is just a precursor to what the issue may actually be: perhaps the women aligned with “so-called women’s rights” are too aggressive for her?? I mean, I love Margaret Cho, but she’s definitely not for everyone. I mean, I think that’s kind of a wimpy stance to take on being a woman, but to each her own.

She and her husband are nice, sweet people. They have a home and two beautiful children. They’ve cultivated the life for themselves that they wanted, and for that I genuinely commend them. I know they’ve had some heartache and scary times, and I thought about them all the time while they were. I’m not at all trying to malign this woman or her husband for being bad people. But does that mean everyone should live their lives exactly as she had, because if we do we’ll never have to think about our rights because everything will be taken care of by our husbands?? It’s a lovely idea, but not all of us want husbands. What would she do with that idea??

My mom also mentioned that this woman was in favor of equal pay for women, which struck me as odd. So, reproductive health care is “so-called women’s rights” but pay equality is a real women’s right?? For most of us, repro health care is an economic matter; not just equal pay. Is it because she remained a virgin until marriage and has purely procreative sex that it’s what we all should do?? I’m mystified.

Sometimes I try too hard to get into other people’s heads.