1,000 Words on Carlotta Ferlito

I'd like to address the allegations of racism made against 18-year-old Italian gymnast, Carlotta Ferlito. It's received some mainstream press in the United States; not just on the “gymternet.” Following the balance beam final at the World Championships last Sunday Ms. Ferlito, who finished in 5th place, was quoted as saying "I told (teammate Vanessa Ferrari) that next time we should also paint our skin black so then we can win, too." Her comment was meant to be funny, but was not seen as so by the individual at which it was pointed: African American gymnast and newly-crowned World All-Around Champion and bronze medalist on the beam, Simone Biles. Or by pretty much anyone else, for that matter.

Now, I agree that what she said comes across as racist. However, she has publicly apologized to Ms. Biles and admitted that what she said was wrong. I'm the kind of person that is all in favor of second chances. One rude comment does not an inherent racist make. I know I've made stupid comments that hurt people's feeling before. I was fortunate enough to have not made them on an international livestream. She was trying to be funny and it backfired. I think we've all experienced the consequences of that in our lives, and I think Ms. Ferlito should be forgiven.

I'd been secretly wondering when some of the women gymnasts that have been around for a while were going to get sick of having their asses handed to them by little black girls from the United States. As an American gymnast, coach, gym parent, and fan, I am a huge fan of Simone Biles and Gabrielle Douglas, but I have seen them come out of nowhere onto the international scene and clean house. Of course, so did Carly Patterson and Jordyn Wieber. It remains to be seen whether that pissed anybody off, although Ms. Ferlito also stated publicly that she feels like the judges protect the American gymnasts and make sure they win. I'm also a big fan of the Italian gymnasts and their unique style and sass, but this could have less to do with abject racism and more to do with poor sportsmanship.

In the wake of her disappointing finish just four days ago, Ms. Ferlito also tweeted that Ms. Biles had done a bad job and that she did not deserve her medal. The fact of the matter is that no one had the routine of their life on beam that day. The favorite, Romania's Larisa Iorache, fell and the underdog, Russia's Aliya Mustafina won, and everyone in between did okay. It's true that Simone Biles was shaky and nearly took a bite out of the end of the beam on her dismount, but on a day when no one is quite 100% that's all it takes. There were scoring inquiries filed on behalf of both American gymnasts, Ms. Biles and “Fierce Five” member Kyla Ross. I thought this was to be expected. This is a new Olympic cycle and a brand new code of points. This is the season for controversy in gymnastics. And while I understand that the way things panned out for Ms. Ferlito was disappointing for her, the way she handled herself even outside of the potentially-racist comment she made was out of line.

In any case, I've only done a small amount of reading on the subject, but I know that there are African-Italian people in Italy. Other than knowing that they exist, I have no further idea of what racial and ethnic diversity is like in Italy. Her life experience may be one where her exposure to black people is limited, thereby causing her to speak out of ignorance rather than of racism. I hope that this is a learning experience for her and that she will be able to be more culturally sensitive in the future.

When you're a good person, it's difficult to have people think of you in the context as the worst thing you've ever done. If she takes from this experience a life lesson, then I see no reason not to forgive her her trespasses. If she does it again?? Then I'll call her a racist.

Just to make sure things got worse, a spokesman from the Italian Gymnastics Federation decided to jump in the hole and start digging. On the IGF Facebook page, one Mr. David Ciaralli defended Ms. Ferlito in a way that smacks of unfettered hubris and racism. What he should have said was “sorry.” What he did was delve into an unnecessary and insensitive analysis of the body types and abilities of people of African decent, like he's some kind of anthropologist. The whole thing read like a Tea Party politician mansplaining why white people are different from “colored” people. As it turns out, he had to apologize, as well. Frankly, Ms. Ferlito's bad joke was small potatoes when contrasted with the asinine diatribe offered by this stooge. And, yes. Sometimes people make mistakes. But it's much easier to forgive a younger person that said the wrong thing in the heat of the moment than a grown-ass man who had the time to sit and think about what he wrote and posted on the internet. All he managed to do was make the whole kerfuffle worse.

I don't like seeing my beloved sport embroiled in this kind of controversy. One of the things gymnastics is supposed to teach its participants is sportsmanship: how to show support for the other competitors and how to win – and lose – graciously and gracefully. It's a shame when things don't go down this way, especially when it becomes an international public spectacle. It's embarrassing and it's bad for business.

So, Ms. Biles, your parents were right: don't let what's happened this week ruin this moment for you. You've worked hard, you did your job, and the rest is in the hands of the judges. Ms. Ferlito, let this experience make you a better person and teach you to think before you speak. Mr. Ciaralli, please never post anything on the internet ever again.

Violence: Why We Are Trayvon

There are a myriad of reasons why the murder, the trial, the circumstances, and the verdict of the Trayvon Martin case matter and why everyone should care. I think it's difficult for some people because the issue becomes about race, or about guns, or about violence, or about young people, when it's all of that and more. I think we, as a society, get too bogged down in our thoughts on one subject and when things like this happen we're polarized by it because it's all about one thing. Sandy Hook is another good example of this, but that's not what I've been thinking about today.

It's about guns.

We have some laws concerning weapons and firearms in this country that are janky as hell. Some say we're not enforcing the laws we have; to which I say then we need to be doing something other than what we're doing. Some say our laws aren't strict enough; to which I say we need to be doing something other than what we're doing. Some say that having laws concerning weapons and firearms is treading on our Second Amendment rights; to which I say deal. With rights come responsibilities, and some of these crazy-ass people wailing about their rights really should check themselves.

Now, I'm afraid of guns. I'm also afraid of cold water, dead things, and militant republicans, but I do not like guns. I understand that I have the right to keep and bear arms, and I think that's a beautiful thing. However, I like to drink and have a bad temper, and my temper does not need a loaded firearm. That's just me. I have the right to choose not to be armed, and I like having that right, too. Just because we can do something does not mean it is a good idea, and there are folks whose arguments (usually ARGUMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that I've read and heard about that make me wish more people thought critically about maybe not being armed. ARE THESE REALLY THE PEOPLE WE WANT HAVING ACCESS TO WEAPONS?? THE ALL-CAPS PEOPLE?? Are they pissed, or do they just type loud?? They can be scarier than an unarmed black child.

Seriously, folks. Just because you can does not mean you must, and just because some people want there to be open, forthright discussion regarding who, when, and why individuals carry does not mean that you'll no longer be able to bring a loaded pink gun to the country club like Whitney on Big, Rich Texas. I know I would do something stupid like drop my loaded gun and have it hit some innocent person who is just buying groceries. I'd be the dipshit you read about that blows a hole in the bottom of her purse and shoots a friend's kneecap off. So, I don't carry firearms. I'm just sayin' that sometimes I wish more people would examine why they exercise their rights rather than just doing so because they can. We also have freedom of speech; doesn't mean we should not consider the ramifications of the things we say. Ya dig??

Now, I'm not a constitutional scholar, but wasn't the thing written so that we could change it in the future?? Isn't that why we have amendments in the first place?? I'm not trying to go off on a didactic tangent like I know something everyone else doesn't, but come on. Let's get real: there are people who are simply not responsible enough to legally keep and bear arms. As the great Judy Tenuta once said, “wear sleeveless gowns.” If you're too irresponsible to operate a motor vehicle you lose your license. If you're too irresponsible to take care of your kids they get taken away from you. Maybe I'm cray-cray, but should the same not be true for firearms??

Especially military-style ones, but perhaps that's another subject for another time. What's the problem with telling people no?? I understand that some people don't like the word no, and that saying no can be very taboo, but it's necessary sometimes whether some zealot is SCREAMING ABOUT IT or not.

Our rights have become too fucked with in this country. We've got the religious right claiming that their rights are being infringed upon by being told that kids at school might not be allowed to call other kids fags or dykes or sluts or to kill themselves, because evidently that's what God is telling kids to do at school these days. Or birth control. We've got religious business owners whinging in one breath about how having an insurance policy available to employees that includes access to birth control kicks their freedom of religion in the groin while yelling about Sharia law in the United States in the next. Y'know what sounds a lot like Sharia law?? Anti-choice politics. We've got these militant stand-your-ground motherfuckers that are so standing their ground that they're willing to threaten to shoot someone who is being rude in Little Cesar's. We've got women being arrested when a man beats her. Pregnant women being arrested for miscarrying. My grandma used to say that your rights end where the next person's nose begins, but that does not appear to be the case anymore. And that's a huge problem.

We're violent, we're opinionated, and we're opinionated to the point of violence, and that is how American society is seen in this world. Seriously, I have friends in Canada, Australia and the UK and they've asked me to “explain this shit.” And that's a direct quote. It's embarrassing!!

So, while I respect the Second Amendment, I don't get the whole gun thing. I know this is just my opinion, which is fine, but what is the deal?? Some of these people are so intense about it. Are they bored?? What's going on that they are so exuberant over not just their rights but their inanimate objects that were designed to kill?? I mean, YELLING ON THE INTERNET people. They're a large part of why guns scare me: guns don't scare me nearly as much as these people with guns scare me.

It's about race.

Honestly, I don't feel like I can lend a whole lot to the topic. I hear people saying that if we stopped talking about racism that there would be no more racism, but really all that solves is white people having to think about racism. We have the privilege of not dealing with it every day. And I do see discrimination when I look around at all manner of people. Sometimes it's about me, being a low-income single mom, but most often it's being directed at someone else. That doesn't make it easy for me to watch. George Zimmerman discriminated against Trayvon Martin because of his race. He was a young, black kid so he must be a thug. I see stuff like this and it makes me fucking sick. I'll never be a young, African-American man, so I can't speak to that experience, and I know that somewhere in our souls we've all felt the sting of some form of discrimination (racism, classism, sexism, etc). It sucks, and yet we keep on doing it to each other. Some people are so butthurt that the president is a black man who dares address the subject of race ever to the point that they think he hates white people. Without a map to follow that logic, I'm lost. We're too into ourselves sometimes, and we don't see what's happening around us. Again, I think that's why we do things like hoard weapons, worry that someone is going to get us, and become so overtly wary of others that we openly practice discrimination in many, many forms.

There's also this genus of (usually white conservative) people that argue about why Trayvon Martin is more important than other victims of violence. And he's not. Some people become the Face Guy for a cause, or an issue. Guy Fawkes wasn't the nicest person ever, and he's the Face Guy (pun intended) for Anonymous. Of course Baby Santiago is important. Of course Oscar Grant is important. Hadiya Pendleton is important. Matthew Sheperd is important. Malala Yusefzai is important. They become a symbol of how innocent people can be, and are repeatedly, victimized by violent, irresponsible, hateful people. They're hardly the only ones. Maybe I missed a memo, but I am not aware of anyone that cares more about Trayvon Martin than Jordan Russell. We're just more aware of one. We applaud Malala for being brave, for being a hero, because she is, but she's hardly the only young woman to be victimized by the Taliban. Violence is violence is violence, and it's everywhere. It doesn't have a race, or a gender, or a nationality, or a religion, though sometimes the people that we see as representations of said violence are women, minorities, foreigners, gay or lesbian, etc.

If President Barack Obama stood at a podium and gave a memorial to every individual that was a victim of violence in the US, he would never do anything else. That would be his job. That's how much violence we have. Not that one person matters more than another. I know that this is a difficult concept for some people.

And we blame “the media,” which is ridonkulous because in this day and age we participate in media. We are media. We imbibe in it every day. We take to social media to bitch about how the media sucks.

Too many people are too violent, and too many of us are standing back making excuses for them. Trayvon smoked a little weed shortly before his death, and posted thuggish photos on social media. So I guess when I drink and wear revealing clothing that I deserve violence, too?? I know there are people that think this way, and it would be most rad if they picked their knuckles up off the ground and used their brain before their mouth, but some folks can't operate more than one body part at a time.

It's about young people.

That's how young people act online. There is a huge generation gap between some kids Trayvon's age and some of their parents, and that's another issue. But it does not make kids who maybe make questionable choices deserving of a violent death. If it did, pretty much all of my friends and I would have been picked off years ago.

I don't know what the solution is. Honestly, Trayvon looked like a kid my daughter would be friends with. And, chances are, he was. Why is that so frightening to some people?? I just don't understand it. I think that too many people are totally insensitive to the fact that a young man was murdered in a culture of senseless violence. My heart breaks for his parents every time I hear some jackwagon like Ted Nugent say that Trayvon got what he deserved. What a horrible thing to say!! I can't even wrap my head around it, but there it is: everywhere. We should be ashamed of ourselves.