If you haven’t known me long, or don’t know me at all, then you might not understand the volatile history I have with Super Glue. I once missed a poli sci class because I Super Glued my finger to my thumb. I’d been trying to fix a painted pot my daughter had given me. How innocuous is that?? Next thing I know, the pot is in one piece again and I’ve temporarily lost nearly all dexterity in my left hand. I once spilled Super Glue on my jeans and had to sit very still holding my pants leg away from my skin in order to avoid making them a more or less permanent part of my personhood. If you’ve ever done this before, you know that Super Glue on fabric touching skin feels extraordinarily hot, as well. And let us not forget the time I glued the glue container to my hand rather than gluing the item I was attempting to repair. This took several hours, three family members and what little was left of my dignity at the time to detach without taking a pound of flesh with it.
My daughter would probably be really mad if I told you about the time she Super Glued a tiny nutcracker arm to her finger when she was six. In any case, we probably shouldn’t even be allowed to have the stuff in the house. If a license were required to own and operate Super Glue, I’d have to buy mine on the black market.
In any case, my headphones needed a temporary fix. You know the words temporary fix, meaning “I’m too broke to buy new ones right now, so if I glue them perhaps they’ll stay in one piece long enough for me to find a full-time job and finance the purchase of new ones.”
So I Super Glue the rubbery-plastic-whatever-material-it-is that goes in your ear part and went along with my day, getting ready for my workout. I get to the track, pop my earphones in and have a nice time.
You can sense where I’m going with this, can’t you, dear reader??
Then, when I go to pull the left one out, it’s stuck. I mean, I pull on it and it comes out relatively easily and with no pain, but when I touch my ear it’s still sticky and there’s a layer of Super Glue around my very outer part of my inner ear. Nothing dangerous, mind you. No blockage, no damage. It didn’t even affect my tragus piercing. Although a little bit did get on it initially, it didn’t stay long.
Sometimes when things like this happen to me, I feel the need to share. Maybe it’s because I don’t know other people to whom shit like this happens?? I don’t know anyone else who got locked in their bedroom one night, behind a door that doesn’t even have a lock on it, and had to escape by jumping from a second-story window. I don’t know anyone who accidentally glues their earphone to their ear while working out. I don’t know these other people, but I know they’re out there somewhere. I’ve read Laurie Notaro. I know I’m not the only “Idiot Girl” in the world. So I publicize my idiocy in hopes that somewhere out there, another cluck like myself exists and maybe will read this and be able to relate.
Wherever you may be, please be exercise caution when using Super Glue.
Love,
Sasa
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