Fuck the Media

We Are the Media.

Maybe that sounds silly in a “We Are the World” kind of way, but we as viewers, readers, and commenters actively participate in the media as it is today. We read, we post, we tweet, we repost.

As an older Millennial I don't know what it was like to be a grown-up in the 80s or 90s. Even though I was here on this earth I have no tangible connection to how people got their news 'back in the day.' Because of the interwebs, because of apps, because of social media, we have access to what's going on in ways the public has not had before. That much I have gleaned.

As a journalist there are good points and bad where the social media boom is concerned, but hang with me for a moment.

It pisses me off when people bitch about, “the media” like it's this sinister, black-eyed monster that's eating their young. We are actively participating in media just by being online. It irritates me when I read (or hear) that “the media” doesn't talk enough about Bernie Sanders, or Black Lives Matter, or rape culture. Did you expect to hear that shit on your local news* between traffic and the weather, on your way out the door in the morning?? That's not where we live. Media is no longer something we watch, read, or listen to. It is something we participate in.

What articles, or memes, or thoughts do you share on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. ?? That is participatory media involvement.

Fuck the media??

Fuck you. You're part of it just by saying “fuck the media.”

Media is defined as a form of communication that influences people. Most of us do this every day, anymore. Did you read something online that you liked and shared with your people?? Media. Did you rant about how shitty traffic is on Twitter?? Media. Did you have a conversation with someone based upon something you read in a magazine, a paper, a flier, an advertisement, a bus bench ad?? Media.

They is us. We are part of the media now. You no longer have to be a journalist or a news anchor to be a purveyor of current events on a large scale. When you post, you engage. You have an audience. You are part of the system you say you abhor when you bitch about “the media.” Social media is media. No one is immune.

* No disrespect to local television or print news. As a current events junkie I say, genuinely, that we need you!!

Jessa Duggar

I admit that I didn't read Jessa Duggar's Facebook post in its entirety. I read excerpts, mainly because I don't want to direct any more traffic to her page than is necessary. I don't even like thinking about her, or her family, or her show, or whatever nonsense falls out of her face. But I'm disappointed and a little bit pissed off at what I read, though. Of course she's entitled to her opinion, but when she opines about how everyone that doesn't subscribe to the fundamentalist, evangelical, hard-core, Duggar-brand Christianity is going to hell, she's using some pretty incendiary language.

We'll just set aside the very real possibility that said comments aren't actually her opinion but what she's been taught to say, like a bird that has speech but no cognitive ability behind it. * squack * Scared of god. * squack *

This twenty-two-year-old tot has such a tight relationship with the Notorious G.O.D. that she feels that it is her duty to try and save all of us lowly sinnners whether we have faith or not. Forget for a moment that this is a young woman that has virtually no formal education and has not experienced life as an autonomous, sentient being. No choice in what to wear, where to go, whom to be around. No swimming, no dancing, living on a compound separated from most of the rest of humanity. The list of “no”goes on and on, to the point where I don't think she has enough knowledge about what's actually going on in the world to be speaking as such a leading authority about what's bringing s all to the skirt of “god's” wrath. (Wasn't wrath a sin?? I digress.) Apparently the god she's been told to believe in doesn't like humanity very much and most of us are going to hell for one transgression or another. So she's taken it upon herself, with her narrow worldview in tow, to tell her “fans” about what “god” really wants, and if you disagree then the “god” you pray to doesn't exist and you're probably going to hell.

Is that right?? Something to that effect.

Now, I don't identify as a Christian, but I grew up in a Christian family and I have mostly good associations with my family's church. I'm fortunate enough to call a number of the people I met there my friends. And, yes. I went to a liberal church in a liberal city where the main gig was to welcome people into god's house, not to turn them off and make them run away out of fear of hellfire and damnation. This isn't the old south. Gay people, poor people, people of color, pregnant teenagers, single parents – welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, and welcome. And if some fundamentalist jackwagon doesn't think that the god that loves everyone that stepped foot in that church exists . . . well, fuck 'em. You have your god that behaves like an alcoholic step-parent, and we'll have ours: the one that actually likes people.

Oh, but that's profanity, and that's something people go to hell for, I've heard tell. Like I fucking care. I don't want to be one of those IDGAF people, but there is a time and place in life to care what other people say and a time to let them whinge and pay them no mind. But some of my very favorite people are liberal Christians, and when someone trashes on them they're trashing on my people and I don't want to take that sitting down.

I don't know much about the whole Independent Baptist thing of which the Duggars are so strident in, other than that there were some folks for whom being a regular, old, garden-variety Baptist was not conservative enough for. And for those of us that actually know gay people and people of color and wear tank tops and yoga pants and drink caffeinated beverages, we understand that things like nondiscrimination legislation and marriage equality don't actually threaten the sanctitiy of jack nor shit, the kind of ignorance the Duggars and their ilk are so proud of is not only insulting and misguided but ridiculous. Gay people are not a threat, single people are not a threat, people that do not identify as Christians are not a threat, but try having a conversation with someone that is this fearful of everyone that is not just like his-or-herself. Nevertheless, different denominations of Christianity have been duking it out over who's right for so long that it's become difficult for some of us to take Christianity seriously. Some of them spend so much time drawing lines in their own ranks and pissing all over one another over whose interpretations of god and the bible are correct that my fellow nonbelievers and I are left to watch a strange game of “who can be the biggest kook.”

That's the biggest turn-off about organized religion for me: all the infighting and the slinging of insults about whose views of god and Jesus are right. It's ridiculous, and it's not winning a great deal of fans in this day and age. I'm not even convinced that people my age and younger and turning from religion – namely Christianity - because they don't have a connection to spirituality. I think it has a great deal more to do with this hard-and-fastness that has become indicative of conservative Christianity that repels people. I've listened to a number of people my age and younger profess to be atheist, anti-Christian, and secularist (like myself) because there are too many Christian extremists out there hemming and hawing about how everyone else is going to hell, and it's not well-received. Who cares about a “god” that doesn't care about them?? For the vast majority of critically thinking people, that's a tyrannical dictator, not a deity. Perhaps Mrs. Sewald didn't have the opportunity to exercise her “god” given free will when coming to terms with her spirituality (or whatever the hell it is she thinks is happening), but please don't put that on the rest of us. Your clan insists upon some form of Christian extremism – that's not everyone else's problem.

Judge not, lest thou art Jessa.

I don't know. My ancient Aramaic is a little rusty. You know where I'm going, anyway.

I've worked with children for years, and something that teachers say with some regularity is “focus on yourself.” You know, when kids want to tattle and tattle and tattle until the proverbial cows come home. So, teachers tell them to think about what they are doing rather than what everyone else is doing. It's one of those things we teach kids that we grown-ass-folk probably should think more about in our own grown-ass lives. Pray for your neighbor, if you must, but spending so much of your time calling them out just makes you look like a judgmental a-hole. However, I have noticed that adults like to teach children things they struggle with themselves. If someone says “leave me alone,” that means leave that person alone. If someone says “I don't appreciate your judgment,” that means they do not value your opinion and off you can fuck. Line drawn. Boundary set. Those that cross said boundaries are likely not going to be heard, because they've already been told no. No. One word. One syllable. A complete sentence.

People like Jessa Duggar-Sewald aren't helping people find god – they're turning them away. If god is so unhappy with humanity then why would we not just live our lives and deal with the rest later?? Be nice, don't hurt people on purpose, take care of the world, and if god is going to be pissed at the end of our lives unless we wear long skirts and reject any form of mainstream media (lest it make one think), then you take it, girl. That “god” is all yours. It's probably best that you continue to speak to your own, because many of the rest of us aren't buying what you're peddling.

I wish these holy people wold just talk amongst themselves. I'm sure that Mrs. D.S. Has fans and friends and family that subscribe to the same theories as she and value her opinion, and the rest of us are just tired of hearing about it. Let me spell it out for you, no one else gives a shit what your god does. You can go on social media and propagandize all day, every day. The people that like it will listen and the people that don't, won't. Kind of right now in this very post.

On one hand, there's something oddly sweet and simple about Mrs. D.S. taking it upon herself to try to save the rest of our mortal souls. On the other, she's being a total narcissist about the whole thing, telling s all we're wrong and she's right. Who are you to speak for “god??” I understand that some of these bible beaters think that god has emplored them to make everyone else in the world live according to their interpretation of their holy book. And 'thou shalt not kill,' 'though shalt not steal,' make sense. 'Do unto others,' and all that. But morality doesn't have a religion, contrary to what some religious folk think. So we end up with tiny, trifling reality tv stars like Jessa Duggar electing themselves the morality police – and if you're not a Christian on their terms, you might as well be carrying Satan's baby because you're obviously fucking with the devil. This kind of shit is turning people away from religion, not making them want to be a part of it. Sorry-not-sorry if that's a problem for Mrs. Jessa and her holy-rolling ilk, but I'd rather spend eternity in Hades than spend it in her brand of paradise.

Flawed Logic

Logic

Synonym, according to Dictionary.com: “science of reasoning, sound judgment, coherence, good sense, thesis, and antithesis and synthesis.” Also, “argumentation, sanity, rationale, connection, train of thought, and deduction.” Antonym: “unreasonableness.”

Those of us current events junkies hear a lot about “flawed logic.” In the context of current events the phrase is typically applied by trolls and Fox News “journalists” as a way of dismissing anyone with a point of view that is different from their own, i.e. “what you are saying is not in line with what I think, therefore your logic is flawed.” Often these folks will back up their opinion with comments such as “the truth hurts.” Because their opinion is a fact, and that sucks for everyone that doesn't agree.

We could dissect the definitions of fact and opinion and how they've just been employed, but I don't want to. Yeah, that's all. A fact is a fact and an opinion is an opinion. It's not rocket surgery, y'all. How we arrive at an opinion can be based on facts, but also individual experiences, thoughts, and ideas, and those are not necessarily facts. “The truth hurts,” is another one. It's been said that you're entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts. There is a broad populace that either did not get that memo or didn't feel like reading it. And, really. What's more flawed about a person's logic when they ardently refuse to even consider anything “truth” other than his-or-her own thoughts??

My logic may not match yours, but that's not the same thing as my logic being flawed. I'm a huge fan of being online, but being online has given us a terrific platform for shouting down others without actually shouting. A person can literally tell someone to fuck off and die and never actually have to face that person or listen to them. It's the equivalent of placing one's fingers in one's ears and saying, “lalalalalaaaa.” People can be “ALL CAPS PEOPLE” with no repercussions of verbal abuse, infliction of emotional harm, or hatespeech. Their first amendment rights preclude everyone else's right to not be publicly lambasted.

Okay, so that one isn't in the Constitution, and I think most people don't publicly lambaste others just for stating a point that's different from their own. But that's just one woman's opinion. My grandmother used to say that your rights end where the next person's nose begins. I wish more people put more forethought into what they say and how they say it online the way they do in real life.

So does a difference in opinion, experience, or expression really mean someone else's logic is flawed, or is logic, like so many other things in this world, subjective??

Human experience is not like math, where 2+2 will always equal 4. People hear things, and feel things, and think, so what seems like it should equal 4 to you might not to me. Is that inherently illogical?? And, if so, to whom??

Whatdya Say??

I've had this conversation with my mom for a long time: she believes strongly that there are words people should not say to each other because it makes people think it's okay to say them. To break it down, when women call each other “bitch,” “cunt,” or “slut,” when black people call each other “nigger / nigga,” when gay people call each other “fag,” “queen,” “dyke,” and so on. I disagree with that. Yes, these words can be hatespeech, but it also depends upon context, which I think too many people miss out on.

When a woman says, “shut up, bitch,” to a friend in jest, or a black person calls someone “my nigga,” they're obviously not using hatespeech. It's cultural vernacular. I maintain that there are some words that other people don't have access to. It's really none of my business if black people want to use the n-word, or if gay people say “fag” to each other. If some of us want to try to take possession of the words others use to attempt to hurt them, who the hell else's business is it?? A young man on my Facebook friends list launched into a diatribe recently about how women shouldn't use the word “slut” if they want to be taken seriously. Frankly, I don't wish to be told what words I may or may not use, as a woman, from a man. He's entitled to his opinon, certainly, as I am entitled to have his opinion on the subject not matter to me. If I'm not out and about in the world, I will speak the way I wish to speak. I feel like someone that's taking one example of something someone says as whether or not to take them seriously as a person, that guy isn't going to take me seriously anyway.

There is a time and a place in this world to censor ourselves. I think most of us can agree with that. For example, I'm aware that certain MRAs and their ilk don't want women in the workplace, any workplace, because women might want to hold them accountable for telling dirty jokes or calling women derogatory names. I'm uncertain why it's so difficult for these men to behave themselves at work, or do they just think they shouldn't have to?? We're all required to engage in self-censorship from time to time. All of us. So when these men feel like they can't talk a certain way in certain company, well, welcome to everyone else's lives. Y'all don't want to be held to the same standards of decency and behavior as the rest of humanity?? Sorry, not sorry, bro.

This, to me, is an excellent example of privilege. Perhaps white people should just not use the “n-word??” Perhaps straight people should be more sensitive about using language that is anti-gay when coming from a straight person?? And maybe dudes should just not use “bitch” or “cunt” because those words do not belong to them?? My mom asks how people can possibly know which words they have access to and which they don't. My answer is critical thought. A culture of believing you have access to another culture's language is privilege. That is a kind of cultural appropriation. If you are an intelligent, thoughtful person you likely can think about what you say before you say it, and if you slip up and say something that hurts someone else you can stand up like good person and apologize. Some speech is not open for use by everyone. It's just not. I don't understand why that's a difficult concept.

I'm not talking about being PC. I know that's a big buzz phrase among folks that want to avail themselves to power over others by being insensitive shitheads and then accusing them of being too sensitive. All that means to me when I hear it is that the person saying it doesn't think that they should have to think before they speak or take responsibility for what falls out of their face. I'm saying think about what you say, whom you say it to, and what it means, not just to you but to your listener. Why is that such a challenge?? Use your fucking head and don't be a dick. If that's how you define “PC,” then I can't stop you but I beg to differ.

You know how in the Harry Potter books people won't say “Voldemort” out loud, and they call him “He Who Must Not Be Named,” and Hermione points out that by skirting around the fear associated with the name makes Voldemort remain powerful?? Well that's kind of how I think about this. You remember when George Carlin spoke about how, “they're only words??” Well, they are. If you don't like them, don't use them. If someone says something hurtful to you using one of them, call them out. Or don't. Chances are they won't care, because insensitive people don't give a shit how they impact others. Chances are they won't own shit. And they won't have any grasp upon why what they said was hurtful, because context belongs to them alone, and they'll tell themselves that they're smarter than you are because you have feelings. I think it's little more than a play for some kind of perceived superiority, but that's just one woman's opinion.

Explaining Depression

Celebrity deaths, although sad, don't usually phase me much. There have been a few recently, however, that were particularly sad for me. Maya Angelou, who passed away on my friend Jade's birthday, and Robin Williams, whose suicide brought out the worst in people that don't understand depression. Jade and I have both had issues with anxiety and depression, and we've helped see each other through some pretty dark times. When Ms. Maya passed he was locked up for some bullshit thing. I didn't know how to get in touch with him, so I wrote him a letter. In it I ruminated the depth of Ms. Maya's character, her essence, her spirit. Because it's difficult to be a sensitive person in this world. Some of us feel things deeply and more intensely than others. But you can grow from trauma and devastation; even if you are a highly sensitive person. She was a shining example of that. It's not easy, of course. Probably less so for people that feel more profoundly than many people.

Some people seem like they are perpetually happy. There's certainly nothing wrong with that, but those kinds of people don't understand those of us that aren't. Some people can pull themselves out of a rut with a smile and plucky attitude, but not everyone is like that. And you can't explain it to them. I don't know if they think that they can make themselves happy so everyone else should be able to, as well. They don't understand that when a highly sensitive person experiences something, good or bad, it's exhausting. When it's good it's very, very good and when it's bad it's horrid. That's the Reader's Digest Condensed Version. Unfortunately it's not as simple as that, and unpacking it for people that have no intention of understanding is difficult at best, torturous at worst.

When I told my friend Blue that I'd been dealing with anxiety and depression and was on medication for it he said, “really?? I didn't think you were that kind of person.” That threw me. What kind of person?? A depressed person?? A crazy person?? A person that can't deal with reality?? A person that takes corporate drugs?? What kind of person am I to him now?? What does being “that kind of person” entail in his mind?? It struck my curiosity, but it also stung a little. He's very laid back and earthy, and I'm kind of intense and loner-ish with a wicked case of Bitchy Resting Face. It makes me wonder how people see me now that I talk about the issues I've had. Maybe it was just more convenient for everyone else when I didn't?? It sure as shit wasn't convenient for me. Hiding hurts. Evidently so does being honest.

Another friend, Eduardo, is just such a happy-go-lucky dude, and he constantly radiates positive energy. Most of the time it's great. He's so much fun. He's so friendly. It's so easy to like him and to be around him, except when you're depressed. His “everybody get happy” attitude becomes draining. When you're depressed, even just moderately depressed, you're not just in a bad mood. It's not just a funk or a grumpy day. Your brain chemistry is fuckin' with you hard core. You know you should be able to shake off a few bad days, or even bad weeks, but what my friend Ellie refers to as her “brain monkeys” won't let you. Things stop seeming as important. Your blood boils or freezes for no reason. That part of your mind slowly goes dark, and it becomes increasingly difficult to remember a time when you weren't depressed. The worst part is when you know that what you're feeling isn't rational but you cannot, for the life of you, figure out how to change it.

So when Robin passed away, the deluge of negativity about people with depression (suicidal or otherwise) was intense. I was balls deep in a depressive episode, and when I saw some of the things my friends posted about how fucked up people that are depressed and/or suicidal are and that they should just get over themselves. We're selfish, because everyone has problems. Don't we know that?? How can we just think about ourselves like that?? And what's with the pills?? Maybe when a normie has problems they should just take pills to make it go away, too?? That'll just, like, solve everything.

It's a chore to explain that the pills regulate the levels of serotonin in our brains, which is often the thing making us depressed. They're not magic, and for a lot of people they're a last resort. Diet, exercise, yoga, meditation, relaxation, therapy, teas, steams, long walks, good books, amazing friends; they're all great, but they don't always change your brain chemistry enough to make you “better.” It's not their fault any more than it is a depressed or anxious person. If anything, depressed and/or anxious people feel guilty for all the things they're grateful for not being enough to take the “brain monkeys” away. The anxiety pills are to stop an attack in progress, because happy thoughts are not enough. I want to tell people that if they've never experienced a panic attack then don't act like you know something you don't. It's terrifying. It's physically and mentally debilitating. The level of insensitivity of a person that tells someone with anxiety to “just calm down,” is astounding to me.

One friend in particular, Shasta, had a great deal to say online about the selfishness of depressed / suicidal people. I've only ever known her to be a sweet, amazing, intelligent, affable, lovable person, so it took me by surprise that she had such vitriol in her. She's one of those preternaturally happy people, so for her to get angry about something like another person's mental state was equal parts shocking and infuriating. To hear this nice person tearing down people that are in a bad place changed my perception of her a little bit. This woman is usually so openly loving and accepting of pretty much everyone. For her to have so much wrath for the depressed and/or suicidal struck me as . . . confusing. I made the mistake of trying to engage with her a little bit, just to have a conversation. Her response was something to the effect of “I guess I just have too much to live for.” What a thoughtful thing to say to someone that has just opened up to you about their experience with depression. Is she insinuating that people that are depressed don't have much to live for?? I don't know. That kind of callousness, especially from someone that is usually as caring as she is, made me sad. It's one of those things that shutters people with depression. When I'm depressed I isolate. Her response to what I had to say is a shining example of why.

This leaves me at an impasse. You can't force anyone to listen, or to communicate, or to understand. I wish I could, but I can't make people think. Some people are just going to be insensitive and think they know about things that they don't. It's how life is. And the more depressed people, or anyone on the spectrum of mental illness, feel like they need to shut up, the more they do – and the more depressed they become. For something as common as anxiety, depression, or even just being a highly-sensitive person, when you're shit on for it and made to feel weak and silly, a lot of the time we do just shut up. No one wants to hear it, so we clam up. We shut down. And that makes it all worse.

I don't know what the solution is. I do my best as a person that has experienced depression and anxiety and sensitivity to be honest and open as I feel comfortable with, to keep my weird moods in check as much as I can, and to be thoughtful about how, when, and why I communicate with others about what's going on. That's all I can do. Of course, I wish people would extend the same courtesy to me, but no one can make another person do that. I do wish more people would.

Names have been changed to protect the privacy of pretty much everyone.

Football Has Turned My Friends Into Zombies - From a Former Fairweather Fan

I'm really starting to detest football, and not because I actually detest football. I've just reached a saturation point. Which is unfortunate because the damn season has just begun. It's bad enough that it begins in the fall and continues through the darkest, most depressing months of the year. I used to enjoy going over to a friend's house on Sundays, having some beers and congregating around the tv, laughing and cheering and bouncing kids on my knee. I've never been a football person, anyway, but it was fun to be included in the festivities. Even during the SuperBowl this year, which as a general rule I give less than an entire shit about. But it was fun to see your hometown team doing well and partying with the neighbors.

However, since the Seahawks won the SuperBowl, things have taken a turn for the macabre. We now live in a Seattle where if you're not a rabid “12 Fan,” then there is something culturally wrong with you. I mean it. It's a full-blown obsession; the kind some people get mental health counseling for. Game days are like the beginning of a zombie movie: town overtaken by a consumptive fever that makes everyone lose their minds, falling under the possession of the blue and green. The Legion of Boom says “scream” and they say “how loud??” If you go out to the store and have the unmitigated gall to not be decked out in full regalia, the cashier asks you suspiciously if you're from around here. If you go to a restaurant or a cafe, everyone around you will be shrieking and foaming at the mouth. If you stay home, your neighbors will be wailing from their homes, causing all the neighborhood dogs to become apoplectic, including your own.

I have to sit in my room with the doors and windows closed and the tv on just to get away from the goddam noise in the privacy of my own chambers. Heaven forbid I'd like to do something like sit somewhere quiet and write or read a book, because there is no place that's quiet. I have to wear earplugs or noise-canceling headphones or listen to the barking; barking dogs, barking people, barking mad, for three hours. They think it's hilarious. I worry about their well-being.

I set my social media filters accordingly. I unfollow certain friends during football season and unsubscribe from several publications. Sometimes I get away from it at all. Filters are not enough. If you live in Seattle and you haven't been infected by the Blue Fever, then that's too damn bad. So I'm on social media blackout. I'm all for social media blackout time if it's for a reason that doesn't suck. Football is a stupid reason. I'm just sick to death of hearing about it. I have this feeling deep in my gut that there is something happening somewhere in the world that would be interesting to know about. Unfortunately, I live in Zombieland. The Seahawks are playing. Nothing else exists.

Kansas City recently usurped the title of loudest stadium in Christendom. If the level of noise around me is any indication, The Legion is not happy with that. It sounds like they think that even though we live fourteen miles from the actual stadium that “we” can take that title back!!

You know what would be rad right now?? Laryngitis.

Oh, and GGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, GGGIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRIIIIEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I want to post that every five minutes and see how quickly everyone hates me, too, but I have other shit to do.

Of course people have every right to do as they please in their own homes and on their own social media. Conversely, if I have to sit in my own home and listen to it for hours on end, I have every right to comment on it. I think they're annoying, they think I'm annoying. I try to make it light and fun online when I can. Admittedly it was difficult the day I was in bed with a sinus migraine and surrounded, as I was, with barking dogs and fans wilding out, I was a bitch online. I'll own up to that. It's perfectly legal for your overzealous neighbors to make noise during the day. It just sucks when you're sick and there's nothing you can do about it. Y'all go ahead and make you noise and I'll make mine.

Unpacking "God Made Girls"

Okay, so I just heard the song for the first time and I want to get my first-blush response down. I know nothing about RaeLynn that I didn't learn from watching the video, so I have no reason to malign her as a person. I mean, yeah. When she sings she sounds exactly like the “dumb girl” voice I do that makes my mom crazy, but that's a critique of her lack of talent, not her character.

However . . .

God made girls to make boys get dressed and clean up and go to church?? God made girls to flirt and wear cute clothes??

“Something beautiful and breakable that lights up in the dark.”

Fuck you.

Now, I'm certain that most of us ladies have done one or more of these things at one time or another. I don't want to traduce the “girly” girls for being a certain way. All girls are real girls, whether they wear pretty skirts or not. Shit, I'm from Seattle – lots of the boys wear pretty skirts, too. If that's your genuine personality, you go!! But to intimate that girls were put upon this earth by some deity specifically to do these things?? Make him wait for us to get cute, “drag” him around, pressure us to have sex (“flirt” but “put up a fight”), I have to call bullshit. I think the song was meant to be sweet and innocent and cute, but it's really destructive.

I guess now that Taylor fucking Swift has come out of the feminist closet, straight, white, Christian, conservative Nashville needed a new it-girl; someone non-threatening that could drive home the message that girls were not meant to be self-sufficient or complete or okay unless they're straight, white, Christian, and conservative.

I usually avoid YouTube comments, but the ones attached to this monstrosity of a “music” video are doozies. Things like “who said anything in this song that's sexist??” Or, according the geniuses on YouTube, “sexest,” “sextest” or “sexiest.” Were we listening to the same song??

Just an aside, fellow feminists, but maybe that's where the movement has gone wrong all these years?? Some people don't know the difference between “sexist” and “sexiest.” Maybe they're not misogynists at all?? They're just dumb as a bag of hair.

I kid. Anyway . . .

Maybe I'm just old and bitter and gross, or whatever, but this fucking song is sexist. Saying in no uncertain terms that God made girls for boys is inherently sexist. That we were put on this earth to keep them clean and straight and to be “fragile” and their passenger - “singin' in the front seat” - smacks of patriarchy. I'm of the school of thought that a young woman can be flirty and pretty and wear a dress while being intelligent and funny and cool, but the song doesn't mention any of the latter. Some of us aren't soft. Sometimes when we're “loud” we're doing something other than crying and berating the men for not holding the door. Once more, none of these options are on the proverbial menu. The song doesn't say that God made girls to read books or sit in the driver's seat or go to law school. It's all about how we're here to be sweet and soft and fragile and difficult and to take care of our men. Those are lovely things, but that's not all we do as women, is it?? Ever?? That doesn't mean that every girl that doesn't go to law school is any less of a woman, but the song paints us into a corner. God made girls to do these simple-minded, silly little things. Don't get me wrong, y'all: some of the smartest, most hard-working, sass-mouthed women I know are SAHMs, conservatives and proud wives. But that's not all they are. God didn't put them here on earth to be decorations or nannies to their men.

It's pretty fuckin' degrading to everyone to assume that men need women to make them want to clean themselves, is it not?? Men are capable human beings. They can feed and dress themselves and get themselves to church of their own accord. I think that messages that they can't are why I know so many grown women that say things like, “oh, he's just a dad. He doesn't know anything.” Women with smart, educated, successful, nice, caring husbands can't be expected to remember to pick up their children from school, or to wear clean clothing because he's just a dude?? You have got to be kidding me. That is such a vile, condescending idea to sell anyone, especially young people. It does appear to explain to me, to least on surface level, the right-wing talking point that gender equality is bad for women. If they can instill the idea from childhood that women are meant to do these things and men are meant to do those things and everything else is against God's plan, well, then the conservatives are rescuing all the sweet, soft damsels in distress from the evil feminists that believe everyone is capable of choosing his-or-her life path and should be able to do so. 'You don't want to go out there into the world by yourself, sweet girl. Stay home. Look cute. Take care of your man. If you don't you're not only disappointing God, you're a militant ball-buster.' It's taken me a long time to even be able to get from point a to point b on that one. Believe me, without a map to follow that logic I became disoriented more than once. I still can't comprehend how or why that's a good thing. Hey, if you believe that God made you to be the way girls are described in this song, then that's all gravy. Yo go, girl. What I cannot get behind is the idea that it's how your God made all girls to be. I don't accept that.

I'm not always sure about the whole God thing, but I'm sick to fucking death of hearing how those of us that don't fit into this demarcated category are somehow doing it wrong.

God made girls to wear pink. And black. And sweat pants. And swimwear.

God made girls to argue and get loud, be opinionated – not just in the home but in the world. Vote. Teach. Run for office. Raise kids. All of the above. None of the above, if that's what blows your proverbial dress up. Hell, be Wendy Davis and wear a pretty skirt and pink running shoes while filibustering for hours.

God made girls “for dancin' to our own beat.” Ours. Whether that's bubblegum country or punk rock is for us to determine, with or without God and definitely without paternalistic condescension.

I can't wait for the parodies of this song, and I really can't wait until the drag queens get a hold of it. God's 'bout to tell everyone, “I'm 'bout to rock your world.” Because God also made gurls.

Place that in your narrow mind and stretch it, y'all.